To the drivers of Virginia Beach; specifically those driving West on South Lynnhaven Road by Plaza Middle School
Occasionally my job requires me to work in the street. It’s ok, I know I’m in the street.
I take certain precautions to make sure I am highly visible while working in the street. These precautions include wearing a reflective, neon yellow and orange safety vest, carrying a loud 2-cycle engine on my back with a large plastic arm that, despite my best efforts, is blowing grass, sand, dirt, and trash in every direction possible, including the road you are driving on but not paying attention to, and, God’s ultimate precaution, being 6’1 with bright orange hair.
Here are some precautions you should take while driving:
- Put down your phone, you’re operating a machine that could kill others and yourself.
- Instead of laying on your horn and trying to pull a 2fast 2furious swerve five feet in front of me, change lanes earlier (there’s an empty one right next to you).
Also: to the woman exercising on South Lynnhaven Road:
I’m sorry that I pulled halfway into your crosswalk, forcing you to move a foot out of your path and back, but, getting upset over that is like a person at a buffet getting upset because someone brought them more food. YOU ARE EXERCISING, I JUST MADE YOU EXERCISE MORE.
P.S. Your sarcastic “thanks” was accepted as genuine because I’m not very good at noticing passive aggressive behavior until after the fact, and you are still welcome.